Gift-giving is so often fraught with anxiety. How do you find a gift that properly conveys how much you care? And on the flipside, there’s no artful way of telling friends and family what you would really love for, say, your birthday, wedding, graduation, shower, etc. And there’s certainly no easy way to say, “Save your money, let’s do something together” without it sounding like a veiled criticism of your friend’s gift-giving talents. Lucy Danziger, former editor of Self, struck upon the simple and imminently helpful notion of creating gift mood boards that users can personalize for any occasion. 22Hints is a beautifully subtle (and also straight-to-the-point, because you can click-to-buy) way of getting the message across. Here, the CEO and founder offers more hints, as well as a heartfelt gift-receiving mea culpa of her own.
The inspiration behind 22Hints…
I love giving the right gift. I hate giving the wrong gift. When it comes to my best friends’ birthdays, I literally stress out about what to give. So I started just giving really cool fitness gear: the best sneakers and beautiful workout clothes. Then when my niece, Revell, graduated from college last year, everyone asked me what she wanted and of course I didn’t know. So she made me a spreadsheet with links and that was pretty much my a-ha! moment. A registry for all of life’s occasions!
And the story behind the name…
When my family and I went on safari 10 years ago, we could only pack 22 pounds in our bags, so we could take little hopper planes from one camp to another around Zambia and Botswana. I didn’t think it would be enough for two weeks. My camera equipment alone weighed a couple of pounds. But to my surprise it was the exact right amount, and I realized: We don’t always need to have everything. We just need to realize what are the important things. It’s freeing to have limits. In fact I published a study in the happiness book I co-wrote called The Nine Rooms of Happiness: Too much choice is stressful. Limiting your choices means you are prioritizing, which actually helps you understand what matters to you. So 22Hints is like a snapshot of what matters to you. It helps you define what you care about or love or want to share with people. And that’s both healthy and joyful. Once you make your list you are dying to show it to people because it defines you and what you’re all about, right now.
One particularly personal gifting anecdote…
I am going to confess something: And it comes with an apology to anyone thoughtful enough or kind enough to send me orchids. Here it goes: I hate orchids. I feel terrible admitting this because it’s like a slap in the face to all of my lovely, wonderful, thoughtful friends who have given me orchids over the years. Even my mom sent me an orchid one anniversary. I was so crushed she didn’t know me better. I love sunflowers and anything I can plant in our garden in Bellport. But an orchid, to me, just looks like a tortured hothouse flower and I never seem to make them live for very long. Every time I received an orchid I felt like saying to the person: Next time, please just give the money you spent on this orchid to my favorite charity. There are so many other ways I would have liked to have seen that lovely gesture spent. And not all hints need to be things to buy. You can hint what we are calling Gifts from the Heart and it’s things like: Drinks at our favorite rooftop bar or taking a yoga class together, whatever gesture is organic to a person’s life. On my list I want to say: What not to give me… orchids.
What’s on my own lists now…
I have one public list on the 22Hints homepage — it’s a birthday list I made for myself earlier this year, and for the first time my older brother Peter, who is a really great guy but not such a wonderful gift chooser (he is the dad of the niece who learned that she should send him her list!) actually got me exactly what I wanted: A pair of super-cool wraparound sunglasses to wear on my Scooter. Proof the site really delivers! But like most people I didn’t want to only focus on a single topic like triathlon or fitness gear on my own list. I think the most fascinating lists are personality based, and usually you’ll see a kind of fusion of different aspects of a woman’s life. You’ll find fitness like Soul Cycle classes and jewelry like Tiffany earrings on one person’s list. In fact one woman, a triathlete who put racing wheels on her list, called it “Zip Wheels and High Heels” because she loves both the fast cycling gear that is so pricey, and also fashion for her day job in advertising. Most hinters add a mix of sporty and fashion, beauty or grooming and unique experiences (like concert tickets to their favorite band) and travel ideas like a beach vacation, and all sorts of original ideas. Last I checked we had over 1,400 different vendors or brand names as sources for hints on the site. That means everything from Nike to Net-a-Porter, from Brooklyn Blackout Cake from Oven.ly in Brooklyn to a party at the W Hotel (one bachelor’s idea of a fun place to host his party) and even a honeymoon in Fiji.
Some hints from my upcoming lists…
I am not a typical hinter. (Maybe there is no such thing as a typical hinter, come to think of it. Every woman I know has something unique about her that she is hinting, and the fun is to see what that might be for yourself and your friends.) Hints can be aspirational, or real. For instance, I have a tri-bike on my list that is $11,000. I will never get it, and probably never end up buying it for myself, but it gives me pleasure just to see it on the list as a way of saying: This is like the Ferrari of bikes! Wouldn’t it be nice to go that fast? Also on my list: Claus Porto Deco Soap ($20). You’ll never go wrong with that!
And on other people’s lists…
Some people put Jeep Wranglers on their lists, and others put puppies, and others put super high-end handbags that they can only dream about. That is great, and part of the fun. But you can also go for the charity side of it, or even free hints that cost nothing. I added to my list my favorite charity, the Challenged Athletes Foundation, where kids who have lost a limb or are in need of sports prosthetics can still run, bike, swim and be active. It brings me joy to share that charity with people who might not know about it. Now through fall we upload a new list every day, plus user lists. Some of our upcoming hint lists will feature beauty trends you can wear now and well into fall, amazing hostess gifts for this month’s summer parties, how to send your kid off to college with adorable decor ideas to turn your dorm room into a home away from home, and we always have great ideas for the best birthday gifts for Leo, Virgo and Libra, etc. What we really want are users to make lists and share the link or name of their list with us, so we can feature those with “fresh” hints on the homepage, on the right side where we feature cool lists and great ideas, from “Hinters We Love.”
And lists from my family…
Both my grown kids have lists. My son Julian, who just graduated from college, put Yankee tickets on his 22Hints list, and also dinner with friends in Brooklyn at a cool sushi restaurant called 1 or 8, for his upcoming birthday party. He added a membership to Equinox and a fancy Nike Viper driver since he has recently fallen back in love with golf. Meanwhile my daughter, who is at college, has a list of music, fashion, beauty and photography equipment and even real film for her film camera. She also listed a printer so she can print out her iPhone pictures, since now everyone wants actual prints again. It’s funny though: Everyone in my family is so sick of hearing about 22Hints, but I tell them: this is the life of a founder — the company is part of the family, like a new baby. And even though they will complain or roll their eyes at me when I start talking about it, I knew that they were secretly proud of me when I overheard my kids telling their friends how to make a list and post it to Facebook. That made me smile.